Everyone loves to hate on social media, and while I definitely understand the negative aspects, I also think it is a really wonderful way to get to be friends with people you would never have met otherwise. Online etiquette is a tricky thing however and not something that is taught in school, so I wanted to share with you all some tips for the easiest ways to make friends online.
1. Politics. Politics is what bwings us togewah today. Discuss your political opinions loudly and frequently online, and friends will come flocking to you. Everyone feels starved for political news because it’s so hard to find, and your take on it is so unique and rare. Definitely share it, often and loudly.
2. If you see an opinion you disagree with online, be sure to immediately post a savage comment, belittling the person who differs from you. That person will go home that night and think about what you said, and their mind will most definitely change to your point of view. They will then message you, thanking you, and you will become friends for life.
3. Do you love correct grammar? Then your path to making online friends is easy. Just troll the internet, vigorously commenting “*you’re” and “*it’s” on every misworded post you see. People won’t be embarrassed at all. After all, the supposition that nobody loves a grammar nazi is completely false. Everyone loves to be corrected publicly. You will gain many friends and possibly even start a new career teaching grammar online. It’s a win-win situation.
4. It’s always a good idea to be very vocal about all your personal drama online. Post lots of vague and complaining Facebook statuses, such as, “I’m just feeling so down about certain situations right now. Wonder if the people around me will ever change.” People will be drawn to you like moths to a flame. What’s even better, your current relationships will grow and heal, as the people you are vaguely posting about see your posts and repent of their ways.
5. The very best way to guarantee success with online friendships is to enlighten your new friends on the products that you sell. People just loooove having someone they barely know tell them about the products they “simply can’t live without”. Be sure to message them all, starting with a sincere-sounding intro about how you think they’re awesome people or something, then halfway through, just as they’re starting to warm up to you, switch to your sales pitch. If it’s Mary Kay stuff you’re selling, invite them to join you for free facials. People will not feel at all gypped when they see the tiny dots of expensive products they’re supposed to apply to their own faces, but will buy hundreds of dollars of stuff they don’t need or want, and love you for introducing them to it. If Plexus is your thing, I’m sure nobody on your social media has ever heard of it before. Regale them with stories of how awful they are actually feeling whether they know it or not and how they desperately need your product, and they will be nothing but grateful to you, resulting in profound friendships.
And there you go- it’s quite simple really. Are there any other strategies you think should be added to this list? Comment below and let me know!