Now that I have the perspective of nearly a year since my wedding, let’s chat a little about what worked great for us, and what I wish we could have tweaked a bit. And if you’ve had one too, please chime in and tell me all your own wedding joys and regrets, because I love hearing people’s tales!

Joy: starting with singing

Ian suggested having the praise and worship part of our ceremony first, before we made our entrances, and it was one of my favorite things for so many reasons. First of all, it gave a bit of time buffer, so the guests who were late still mostly arrived before we entered. Second, neither of us like being the center of attention in large crowds, and it was awesome to not be standing up front with all eyes on us during two or three whole worship songs. Third, it felt like it warmed up the crowd before the actual ceremony started, and gave them a chance to stand and clap and belt out songs if they wanted to, before the more solemn parts began. And finally, it meant that during the praise and worship, I was standing in the private hallway in the back with my bridesmaids, my dad, my wedding planner, and the flower girls and ring bearers, and we had a whole little praise dance party to shake out the nerves while the crowd sang behind the doors. It was really one of the best parts of the whole day.

Regret: the interminable receiving line

This detail always makes me sigh, because I really cannot think of any other way we could have handled it, and even if I could, it’s too late now. Receiving lines were right up there with open mics in my wedding opinions – nope, nope, never ever. I don’t like standing in them as a guest, and I certainly didn’t want to be on the other end of one for my own wedding. But the quandary we ran into is that since we didn’t have the option of going table to table at a reception to greet our guests, this was the only way we could personally say hi and thank everyone for coming. I resisted the idea but in the end I had to admit defeat since I couldn’t logistically think of another way to handle it.

And really, it was fun to say hi to everyone and to take pictures with those who wanted to. The regret is just that since we opened our ceremony to the whole world, the receiving line turned out to be very, very, very long, and by the time we finished, the evening was practically gone already. I also felt so bad for our guests who stood in the line for hours and days! I don’t regret opening our ceremony since this allowed us to eliminate the dreaded guest list, but this was an unavoidable downside for sure.

Joy: having an evening wedding

I loved that we had all day to get ready and take pictures, and didn’t have to rush through any portion of it. I spent a leisurely morning writing out my vows and eating tiny quiches with my bridesmaids and my niece Tirzah, I got the most relaxing hair wash of my life at the salon where I got my hair done, and I had plenty of time to sit alone in my bridal suite before the wedding and breathe away my nerves before I walked the aisle. We spent the afternoon taking pictures in Prospect Park and at the church, and we didn’t have to rush away from our guests after the ceremony for any reason at all. But mostly, as a Non-Morning-Person, I just loved not having to get up early to rush to get ready.

Regret: the mental energy I expended

I do not blame myself for this because decision fatigue is no joke. But after I had decided on a dress and shoes and hair and flowers and guests and a date and a groom and invitations and a venue and where to live, I found myself getting absolutely stuck on tiny decisions like flower girl baskets, or what crinoline to wear under my dress. Even without a reception, the sheer number of decisions involved in planning a wedding is MONUMENTAL, and I did not always handle that well. I wish I could have found a technique for eliminating those mental blocks.

Joy: skipping a reception

I know this was kind of a weird concept to a lot of people, but we had several reasons for our decision. First of all, money, baby. We priced out standard NYC weddings which was a complete joke, and doing the wedding by my family in North Carolina was not really a cheaper option after considering travel costs and everything else entailed. Paring down a guest list to the 75 people we could have afforded was simply not possible, for several reasons. Neither of us enjoy being the center of attention in a crowded room, and while the real desire of my heart was to elope and skip the wedding entirely, the compromise of doing a ceremony and no reception seemed like the least scandalous option.

Secondly, as mentioned above, I hated creating a guest list. We initially tried, but I’ve lived so many places and know so many people, and I have a large immediate family, not to mention a hundred first cousins, and Ian and his family know multitudes of people from our very large church. The guest list quickly turned into a herculean task, filled with dread and politics. Skipping the reception and holding our ceremony at our church which seats thousands allowed us to open the doors to everyone who wanted to attend, which we loved.

Thirdly, skipping a reception took sooooo much work off my plate. No decisions about DJs or MCs or table centerpieces or linens or china or menus or chairs or speeches or seating charts or the plethora of things usually associated with a standard wedding reception. Because of this, we were able to focus our attention on our ceremony (which is kind of the point of the day anyhow) and really make it as meaningful and valuable as we could.

Fourthly, shhhh, don’t tell anyone, but I really don’t like wedding receptions. I’ve been to a handful that are delightful, to be sure, but I’ve been to far more that are dull, draggy, too loud or too quiet, and you’re seated by people you don’t really know, eating lukewarm food which is meh at best, and listening to awkward speeches that would be better off skipped. So why on earth would I want to plan something for my own wedding that I don’t even enjoy at many other people’s?

Regret: not being able to spend more time with out-of-town guests

Perhaps this isn’t exactly a regret because it’s something we knew we were giving up with no reception, but I do wish I could have spent more time chatting with our cousins and friends who came from afar to celebrate. As it is, I have to look at pictures to remember who all was there, and when I do, I feel touched all over again that so many people would want to come all this way for our little wedding. I hope they enjoyed NYC, aside from our one evening of music and cake!

Joy: the ceremony

Does it sound cocky to say that I loved almost every tiny little thing about our ceremony? Although we struggled through fire and water to find the right musicians, and although writing vows was way more difficult than I thought it would be, and although that walk down the mile-long aisle was one of the scariest things I’ve done, I loved every bit of how it came together.

Nervous as I was, I truly loved walking that aisle and seeing the faces of the hundreds of people who had come to celebrate. I absolutely loved how the band played and how the singers sang, and “See What the Lord Has Done” has stuck in my soul ever since I walked down the aisle to Aimee’s sweet voice singing it. And “Gabriel’s Oboe/How Great Thou Art” during our communion? Stop it right now, Carol and Kareem, that was so incredibly beautiful.

I loved Ian’s vows, and the fact that he called me his little Krispy Kreme (which was a long-standing inside joke) still cracks my nieces and nephews up. He quoted a soapy TV show and I quoted Charles Dickens, which was exactly us.

I loved standing on stage amid that bower of flowers in a dress I felt so beautiful in, and the joy in the room so tangible you could almost feel it, with all our family and so many friends, committing to this new life I chose and seeing the work of many months come to fruition. And that walk back the aisle with the relief of knowing that it is done – there’s nothing like it, man.

Joy: the flowers

One piece of advice I think helpful in planning a wedding is to first sit down and decide what aspects are important to you, and how you want to feel on that day, and then to allocate the majority of your budget there, letting the other lesser things fall through the cracks if needed. For me, I longed for an abundance of gorgeous flowers, and wow, did my wishes come true. The aesthetic I wanted was, as I called it, “neglected castle”. I wanted to feel like I had found The Secret Garden, if the castle from Beauty and the Beast had had a secret garden. A little overgrown and gangly, but royal and a tad over-the-top, to match the beautiful gold and green theater we got married in. And boy, Nicole and my floral team delivered.

One of my favorite floral details was the roses in antique candle sticks which I had placed on my cake tables, since we couldn’t have live flames in the building. I’ve never seen that at any weddings I’ve attended (which is a win for me), and I loved it so much more than LED candles.

Joy: Having a first look

I know it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I absolutely loved having a few moments to admire each other and calm our nerves before the hubbub began. It was also amazing to get all our pictures done well before the ceremony while we were fresh, then to have a few minutes of quiet before the walk down the aisle. And I loved not having to rush off for pictures after the ceremony. 10/10, would recommend.

Joy: our outfits

Is it vain to go on about how I loved our clothes? 😀 After my nightmare of wedding dress shopping, I ended up absolutely loving my final, hard-earned dress. Perhaps it was made more lovely due to the sweat and tears I expended to obtain it. Hah. I lovelovelove that I got a big floofy princess dress because I mean, when else in the world would I get to wear something so deliciously twirly? Not only was it ridiculously affordable (for a wedding dress), it was so comfortable for the whole day, to boot. I also loved my shoes I searched the world for. It turns out that flat wedding shoes which are not tacky are somewhat difficult to find. Who knew? And I particularly loved that Ian chose a velvet jacket. Nothing more pettable than velvet, you know.

Overall, it was a lovely day, one that I’m so glad I had, and am so glad is now in the past. But now that I’ve dished, leave me a comment and tell me what you most loved or loathed about your own wedding. Let’s hear the tea!

Photos credited to JJ Fecik Photography.