{"id":7953,"date":"2020-10-06T19:31:19","date_gmt":"2020-10-06T23:31:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=7953"},"modified":"2020-10-06T19:31:19","modified_gmt":"2020-10-06T23:31:19","slug":"what-men-will-never-understand","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=7953","title":{"rendered":"What Men Will Never Understand"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>This is obviously by no means a comprehensive, or even particularly accurate, list. Nevertheless, it&#8217;s fun to speculate and rant a little about these things, isn&#8217;t it? Ladies, tell me what you would add to the list- what you think men will never quite be able to get.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There is that sinking feeling of realizing, the very moment you get to work, that you really should have worn a slip, and you have static and you definitely can\u2019t stand in any stream of light, but alack and alas, you are now stuck at work for the rest of the day and must carefully proceed through your day, lurking in the dark corners of the office.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Speaking of which, the struggle with static is a real one. There\u2019s nothing like wearing a dress which insists on clinging to your legs exactly like a needy child, and nothing you do makes it go away entirely. You splash water surreptitiously in the bathroom, hoping to relieve it, and it helps but only for a little, before the clinging begins once again. The best trick is smearing copious amounts of lotion on your legs and your slip which you remembered to wear today but which is making the problem that much worse. Even that only lasts so long though, before the dreadful electricity finds you again. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Every single month your period comes, and every single month you forget just what its advent will do to you. The world seems dismal and bleak, and you feel just like a little lump of limp, cold broccoli discarded upon the world\u2019s plate. You would like very much to find a howling wilderness to do some howling in yourself, and you don\u2019t know why everything is so discouraging. And then your period comes, as it always does every single month with more regularity than an Alabaman homeschool mom popping out babies, and you\u2019re like, ooooohhhhh right, I forgot. Hormones. And after the cramping and bloating are over, the sun begins to shine a little again.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There\u2019s the art of knowing when you should or shouldn\u2019t wear mascara. Even waterproof mascara is not immune to smudging, so if you\u2019re feeling particularly emotional, you stare at your makeup that morning and think, is it worth it? And then of course there\u2019s the fun moment when you did put on a heavy duty coat of it that morning, and you go to church and God is like, not today, you shouldn\u2019t have. And it smudges and a little bit runs into your eyes and burns and burns and turns them so red that everyone will think you\u2019ve been crying more than you even were. Fun times. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Pockets. I doubt you will ever understand the injustice of the pockets in a woman\u2019s world. You buy the perfect pair of jeans and happily burrow your hands in their pockets, only to discover that they\u2019re approximately two inches deep and will hold exactly one key, one lipstick, or one third cell phone, which is apparently all the dainty little female needs to carry. And that\u2019s when we\u2019re lucky enough to have pockets at all! Most of the dresses and skirts we wear don\u2019t come with such a luxury. This is why, when you compliment a girl on a dress she really loves, she\u2019ll reply, \u201cThank you, it has pockets!\u201d It is indeed something to celebrate. Can you imagine living your life having to carry your phone about in your hand constantly, and always having to think twice to remember your purse with every restaurant and grocery store and car you leave, and never knowing what to do with your used tissues when there\u2019s no trash can handy?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Not that it\u2019s all doom and gloom. You also probably can\u2019t understand how putting on the perfect pair of heels will make you feel like the world is your oyster, and you can take whatever comes your way with ease and aplomb. You look down at the peasants around you dressed in their flat and comfortable shoes with a gracious smile, feeling confident and regal in your elegance and poise. The delicious feeling is only equal to the delicious feeling of kicking those heels off the second you\u2019re inside your door, and admiring the blisters you\u2019ve earned. Being a queen isn\u2019t for the faint of heart, after all. The perfect lipstick has sort of the same effect, although it\u2019s easier to forget you\u2019re wearing it and thus descend unwittingly to the realm of the commoners.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Speaking of dressing up- suits. You lot clearly will never understand the power of a good suit, or there wouldn\u2019t be men showing up to weddings in jeans and tee shirts. A well-fitting suit can instantly turn an ordinary Joe Schmo into, well, without getting too descriptive, the exact opposite of that. The lack of suits in y\u2019all\u2019s closets clearly attests that you do not understand this fact, and I suppose probably never will. \u201cBut they\u2019re uncomfortable!\u201d you cry as if this is a valid excuse, and we just hook the uncomfortable wire cages we wear every day a little tighter and grin forbearingly.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><em>Do you agree? \ud83d\ude42<\/em><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h3>A Year Ago:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=7483\">New York City Fashion<\/a><\/p>\n<h3>Two Years Ago:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=6854\">Why I Bought Birkenstocks<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=6815\">12 Ways to Enjoy Autumn<\/a><\/p>\n<h3>Three Years Ago:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=4945\">Easy Steps to Becoming the World&#8217;s Greatest Minimalist<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=4795\">Book Review: War and Peace<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This is obviously by no means a comprehensive, or even particularly accurate, list. Nevertheless, it&#8217;s fun to speculate and rant a little about these things, isn&#8217;t it? Ladies, tell me what you would add to the list- what you think men will never quite be able to get. &nbsp; There is that sinking feeling of realizing, the very moment you get to work, that you really should have worn a slip, and you have static and you definitely can\u2019t stand&#8230;<\/p>\n<p class=\"read-more\"><a class=\"btn btn-default\" href=\"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=7953\"> Read More<span class=\"screen-reader-text\">  Read More<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7955,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[90],"tags":[584],"class_list":["post-7953","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-men-and-women"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/pexels-tim-mossholder-1722196-scaled.jpg?fit=2560%2C1707&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p8A8kG-24h","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":6424,"url":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=6424","url_meta":{"origin":7953,"position":0},"title":"The Knights in Dull Armor and the Unfortunate Snake","author":"Rachel","date":"May 17, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"It was a dark and stormy night. And as Abby and Lyn and I are wont to do on such nights, we decided to take a walk. We may or may not have done this previously, and ended up walking miles in the drenching rain, but I guess history shows\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Downtown adventures&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Downtown adventures","link":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?cat=86"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/img_8622.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/img_8622.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/img_8622.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/img_8622.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/img_8622.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":8637,"url":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=8637","url_meta":{"origin":7953,"position":1},"title":"Moving to Our First Apartment","author":"Rachel","date":"August 21, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"Last week I moved to the apartment Ian and I will share in...65 days. Moving is odd, because afterward I feel exhausted and stressed and just want to go home and veg on my own couch. And I technically can, but then I realize that my house doesn\u2019t feel like\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Life in NYC&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Life in NYC","link":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?cat=462"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/img_4674.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/img_4674.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/img_4674.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/img_4674.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/img_4674.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":7110,"url":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=7110","url_meta":{"origin":7953,"position":2},"title":"Let&#8217;s Talk Books","author":"Rachel","date":"January 3, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"One of my goals for 2018 was to read or get rid of all the unread books in my library, with the exception of a couple reference books, and a wee French book I have, because je ne parle pas francais. It was a hefty stack, although some of them\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Books&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Books","link":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?cat=83"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/IMG_6164.jpeg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/IMG_6164.jpeg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/IMG_6164.jpeg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/IMG_6164.jpeg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/IMG_6164.jpeg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":8724,"url":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=8724","url_meta":{"origin":7953,"position":3},"title":"Happy National Oreo Day","author":"Rachel","date":"March 6, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Oreos, the desire of my eyes and the light of my life. My love affair with Oreos has spanned many years, so it seems only right that I take a moment to honor March 6th, the momentous National Oreo Day. I didn't grow up eating many packaged foods at all,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Food&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Food","link":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?cat=88"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/pexels-malcolm-garret-3023588-6744415-scaled.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/pexels-malcolm-garret-3023588-6744415-scaled.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/pexels-malcolm-garret-3023588-6744415-scaled.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/pexels-malcolm-garret-3023588-6744415-scaled.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/pexels-malcolm-garret-3023588-6744415-scaled.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":5155,"url":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=5155","url_meta":{"origin":7953,"position":4},"title":"Haiku to the Men Using Jack Hammers Outside My Bedroom Window for the Past Months","author":"Rachel","date":"October 18, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"...At UNGODLY hours of the morning.\u00a0","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Downtown adventures&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Downtown adventures","link":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?cat=86"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/img_0550.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/img_0550.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/img_0550.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/img_0550.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/img_0550.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":8387,"url":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=8387","url_meta":{"origin":7953,"position":5},"title":"How to Become a Reader","author":"Rachel","date":"April 24, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"It is not uncommon for me to stumble across conversations where I hear people remark sadly, \"I wish I were a reader.\" Well, as someone who is a reader, although of a lesser variety than some hardy folks, I am happy to offer a few tips to go from non-reader\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Books&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Books","link":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?cat=83"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/DSCF3445-scaled.jpeg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/DSCF3445-scaled.jpeg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/DSCF3445-scaled.jpeg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/DSCF3445-scaled.jpeg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/DSCF3445-scaled.jpeg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7953","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7953"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7953\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7967,"href":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7953\/revisions\/7967"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/7955"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7953"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7953"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7953"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}