{"id":4041,"date":"2017-07-18T09:33:30","date_gmt":"2017-07-18T13:33:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=4041"},"modified":"2017-07-18T09:46:32","modified_gmt":"2017-07-18T13:46:32","slug":"five-inevitabilities-of-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=4041","title":{"rendered":"Five Inevitabilities of Life"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

“Mmmph yrsh,” you mumble in reply as you hastily swallow your unchewed food.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Leave it on, it will drive you nuts. Tear it off, it will bleed and sting.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Ah yes, the great equalizer of humanity.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

This person\u00a0will<\/em> be seated next to you at the party. He’ll probably also chew with his mouth open.<\/p>\n

\"img_1304\"
\nOf course, you won’t notice till you have your legs comfortably stretched out into the middle of the circle you’re sitting in.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“Mmmph yrsh,” you mumble in reply as you hastily swallow your unchewed food. Leave it on, it will drive you nuts. Tear it off, it will bleed and sting. Ah yes, the great equalizer of humanity. This person\u00a0will be seated next to you at the party. He’ll probably also chew with his mouth open. Of course, you won’t notice till you have your legs comfortably stretched out into the middle of the circle you’re sitting in.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4052,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[87,90],"tags":[101,226,227],"class_list":["post-4041","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-five-things","category-humor","tag-awkwardness","tag-murphys-law","tag-social-graces"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/img_1303.jpg?fit=3776%2C2734&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p8A8kG-13b","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3503,"url":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=3503","url_meta":{"origin":4041,"position":0},"title":"Five Things to Make You Cringe\u00a0","author":"Rachel","date":"May 23, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Hugs so awkward you end up patting the recipient's stomach. Not that I have EVER\u00a0done that. Ahem. *Whistles innocently* Being the first to write in a group birthday card, and knowing that everyone else is going to read what you wrote. Public bathroom stall doors, if you're over five feet\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Five Things"","block_context":{"text":"Five Things","link":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?cat=87"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/img_0550.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/img_0550.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/img_0550.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/img_0550.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/img_0550.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2161,"url":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=2161","url_meta":{"origin":4041,"position":1},"title":"Lakelyn Danielle","author":"Rachel","date":"February 25, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Lakelyn brought the score to an even five nieces\/five nephews, and she has been such a fun baby. She is not a year old yet, so there\u2019s still much to learn about her personality, but she already has a great sense of humor, and I look forward to hearing what\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Relationships"","block_context":{"text":"Relationships","link":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?cat=92"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/cuppacoldwater.files.wordpress.com\/2017\/02\/img_9671.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/cuppacoldwater.files.wordpress.com\/2017\/02\/img_9671.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1 1x, https:\/\/cuppacoldwater.files.wordpress.com\/2017\/02\/img_9671.jpg?w=525&h=300&crop=1 1.5x, https:\/\/cuppacoldwater.files.wordpress.com\/2017\/02\/img_9671.jpg?w=700&h=400&crop=1 2x, https:\/\/cuppacoldwater.files.wordpress.com\/2017\/02\/img_9671.jpg?w=1050&h=600&crop=1 3x, https:\/\/cuppacoldwater.files.wordpress.com\/2017\/02\/img_9671.jpg?w=1400&h=800&crop=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2067,"url":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=2067","url_meta":{"origin":4041,"position":2},"title":"Philip","author":"Rachel","date":"February 14, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Philip was born five and a half years after me, and I was completely thrilled at having a little brother, even if he wasn\u2019t named Jehu as we speculated. As a kid, he could quote rhymes and stories and songs like nobody else, possibly as a result of having six\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Relationships"","block_context":{"text":"Relationships","link":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?cat=92"},"img":{"alt_text":"_DSF3591.jpg","src":"https:\/\/cuppacoldwater.files.wordpress.com\/2017\/01\/dsf3591.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/cuppacoldwater.files.wordpress.com\/2017\/01\/dsf3591.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1 1x, https:\/\/cuppacoldwater.files.wordpress.com\/2017\/01\/dsf3591.jpg?w=525&h=300&crop=1 1.5x, https:\/\/cuppacoldwater.files.wordpress.com\/2017\/01\/dsf3591.jpg?w=700&h=400&crop=1 2x, https:\/\/cuppacoldwater.files.wordpress.com\/2017\/01\/dsf3591.jpg?w=1050&h=600&crop=1 3x, https:\/\/cuppacoldwater.files.wordpress.com\/2017\/01\/dsf3591.jpg?w=1400&h=800&crop=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":5641,"url":"https:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=5641","url_meta":{"origin":4041,"position":3},"title":"Crazy Schedules and a Month of Posting","author":"Rachel","date":"January 25, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Hi you all, First off, if you are expecting a normal post where I write coherently and in an orderly fashion, this is not your day. 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The Bullfrog Opera, by The Okee Dokee Brothers. This one is just nonsensical enough to tickle my fancy. I mean, \"We've got Broadway tickets to see a line of crickets, and the loons are playing Carnegie Hall...\" Yes please. 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