Now that I have been married for …consults calendar… nine months, shall we chat a bit about the wedding? I enjoyed having this spot to brain dump when I was in the thick of wedding planning, and have been rather ghostly silent ever since. I always find I write more when I’m stressed or sad than when I am happy, and once again, it has proven to be my habit, as I am extraordinarily happy and cannot find it within myself to update my blog. However, for the three of you who are wishing to hear about my wedding in retrospect, please enjoy this little series. Today I will give you a rundown of our pre-wedding days, and I am planning a couple future posts regarding the wedding day itself, things I was glad I did and things I wish I had changed, and what my experience being a newlywed has been.

The year of 2024 I spent coming to work six days a week, plus moving, plus keeping my house somewhat clean and myself somewhat fed without any roommates to help, plus planning a wedding mostly by myself since my family is all long-distance. In retrospect, I wonder how I managed. Sometimes I didn’t quite, and sometimes I felt sorry for Ian, and the stressed out, sometimes-crabby version of me he had to endure (not that he complained.)

October came, and there was the usual plethora of things to do: hair trials, lash appointment, scouting out photo locations, Costco runs, logistics meetings, our regular rehearsals, church services, just so many things to get through. I wanted to serve some homemade baked goods at our non-reception since I have somehow gotten myself a bit of a reputation as a baker, so I spent a day or several making lemon cookies, chocolate chip cookies, brownies, orange juice cake, and what have you. My mom and sister filled in the gaps with whoopie pies, monster cookies, and molasses cookies, glory be.

I got to the week of our wedding already strung tighter than a rubber band, as brides generally are, I suppose. But boy, I was organized. At the risk of tooting my own horn, I am pretty good at event planning. Do I like it? No. Do I hate it? Absolutely I do. But I can do it if needed, and do it well, so that was in my favor. The spreadsheets I created were numerous and vast, the budgets were detailed and comprehensive, and I even went so far as drawing maps for my family to find their way around this huge building as needed. I tried very hard to leave no stone unturned which I could manage to turn over in advance, but even so, there was the inevitable phone call the week of the wedding asking me “Who approved this and that?!” and leaving me tearfully scrambling to realign my errant ducks.

So the week of the wedding finally arrived. I worked until midday Tuesday, then I took the afternoon to start putzing around at the church, putting my knickknacks and paddywacks where they needed to be, making sure the drinks in the basement cooler were labeled and accessible, and freezing the cookies my sister brought to add to the collection I had baked. At some point in the week I had stepped on a shard of broken glass and every time I took a step I could feel the splinter digging into the sole of my foot. My walking got limpier and limpier as the day went on, and my sister tried to extract the splinter, but with limited light and resources at my office, she was not successful. So on I limped. It happened to be a week that staff were requested to sit together for Prayer Meeting, and besides, Ian was singing that night, so we both spent the evening in church. The next day, the festivities really began.

Wednesday morning dawned. My sisters came over and Rhoda, armed with much better lighting, dug around in the sole of my foot until she finally extracted a lovely glass sliver which was driving straight up toward my joints and marrow, and nearly discerning the thoughts and intentions of my heart. I was then commanded to sit and give my foot a break while the house magically cleaned itself up around me. If you haven’t yet, do get yourself some sisters like mine. As a side tangent, after spending most of the year working alone with Ian on all our plans, and feeling so much (largely self-imposed, but still) pressure to get things done and do them right, I cannot rightly describe the relief it was to have family in town at last – the only people whom I don’t mind asking for help, and who anyway jump in and do what needs to be done before I ask, and who took such pains to spoil me and help me through the week. The memory of the utter relief still brings a tear to my eye.

Wednesday was our Troyer family hang day, so the next stop was DIMSUM in Flushing!!!! My sister-in-law Mimi picked the perfect spot and we crowded ourselves and our offspring around two tables in a corner and proceeded to devour everything in sight like a horde of locusts. We Troyers are quite good at eating, we are. One of our strengths, I’d say. After the tables were bare, the men took the kids to the nearby Flushing Meadows Park to run off some travel energy, and we girls hit up a nearby salon to make our nails as fabulous as they could be. I got a dark red manicure to match my flowers, with a tiny heart and french tip on my ring finger, a detail which delighted me for weeks until my nails finally wore out, and once again my sisters treated me and refused to let me pay. <3

After the mani/pedis, we made our way to the park where the guys were hanging out with all the kids, and cast around for ideas for the evening. I entreated them to come back and pack into my apartment, we ordered pizzas for the crowd, and Ian joined the party. It was far more people than I had chairs for, but everyone found a corner and the apartment had its first proper housewarming as we climbed over each others feet and ate delicious pizza and fruit and chatted it up. This remains one of my favorite times from the wedding week.

Thursday morning, it was time to get to WORK. The flowers were delivered to the church, and a bunch of family and friends gathered to strip thorns from the roses, label the glass containers my sisters and in-laws had collected from thrift stores for my fruit displays, and double check the setup of all the rooms we would be using. My parents arrived, and we added the cookies my mom baked to the collection I would be serving the guests. The flower crew worked for hours assembling the most beautiful and moody bouquets my heart could desire, my day-of coordinator Linnette took on impromptu babysitting duties as she took a gaggle of kids on a tour of the church buildings, and an angel whom I can’t remember brought in bagels to nourish us all.

We had a brief little rehearsal, only making sure the kids knew what to do and that the processional song would work, then we prayed together and that was that. (Wedding pet peeve: looooong and pointless rehearsals) Once everything was well underway and running smoothly, my parents dropped Rosie and me back at my apartment in Queens to get ready for our rehearsal dinner that evening, and to catch a breath of silence before the next big hullabaloo.

Can we just take a moment for my favorite decor detail: my collection of antique candle holders filled with white roses? I loved this solution to no-fires-allowed so much more than fake candles!

Since we didn’t do a standard reception, Ian and I decided to do a fancier rehearsal dinner for just our families, where they could get to know each other a little, and we could treat them to a nice meal. We rented the Quaker Room at the Milleridge Inn in Jericho – kind of a pain for everyone to get to since it is a ways out on Long Island, but a nice space with an actual parking lot and space for the kids to yell if they wished. Also, it was a personal little joke to myself every time I mentioned the Quaker Room, since my pastor used to call me a Quaker when he couldn’t remember my origin. I invited my immediate family and Ian invited his extended family, and thusly we ended up with an even number of guests each.

Since 99% of my immediate family is children at this point in life, my sister Rosie created fun little goodie bags for the kids with dumb stuff like little hands and feet to wear on your fingers. I must be one of the 99%, because the silly rubber feet were one of my favorite parts of the evening. We dined on the vast array of dishes Ian and I had chosen, things like mini tacos and shots of tomato soup with tiny cheese sandwiches and salads and steak and little chocolate tarts. My main impression of the evening was a very warm room, keeping an anxious eye on things since I had taken it into my head that people would be bored, and occasionally escaping into the bathroom for a bit of quiet and AC. I think the families enjoyed it though, and it was a great chance for our two worlds to collide for an evening. (Family, did you enjoy it? 😀 )

(only this minute have I realized this last photo has a fantastic photo bomb.)

Finally the night drew to a close, and my parents dropped me and Tirzah, my oldest niece, back at my apartment to try to sleep off the nerves and prepare for the momentous day itself. And there I shall leave you till the next post, which will be all about the wedding day.

Photo credits to JJ Fecik, our photographer who braved the 397 children and the hot and stuffy Quaker room for the evening.