Five Attractive Guys

Five Attractive Guys

The guy who can’t imagine doing something as menial as his own housework. His mother packs his lunch and cleans his bathroom and washes his bed and all his dishes, because it has never crossed his mind that he could and should take care of himself. Sometimes this guy moves into his own house, and then he lives in a pit of grime and junk food, because he doesn’t ever think he should have to do something like wiping down a bathroom or cooking a meal. Or maybe it just doesn’t occur to him to notice the filth. He probably doesn’t even know how to run a washer. He very much wants to get married, mostly so that he’ll have a wife to take care of him for life. For SURE no.

The guy with no sense of humor whatsoever. Life is deadly serious, and everything is much too important to be laughed at. When he is with a jolly crowd, he sits in disapproving silence, or makes snide and spiritual remarks to show how much above the happy people he is. “Joy” is his least favorite fruit of the Spirit. For SURE no.

The guy whose whole world revolves around sports and/or cars. You cannot have a conversation with him without one or the other of these topics being mentioned, at best, or beaten to death, at worst. His thoughts go no deeper than an inch below surface, he thinks crying is for girls only, and “sick” is his adjective of choice. His secret bad-boy-vice is vaping, and he thinks American food is the only kind that is worth eating. If you manage to drag him to another country, he’ll be sure to spend the trip pointing out how much better ‘Murica is. For SURE no.

The guy who thinks he is just the best thing that ever happened to women. His favorite topics to slip into conversations are his impressive muscles, the amount of money he makes and nonchalantly blows, his sweet new car, and the “annoying” flock of admiring girls after him that he just wishes so much he could get rid of. He thinks chauvinistic jokes are hilarious, and laughs loudly and heartily at himself whenever he manages to make one. When in conversation, he can hardly wait till another person is done talking to air his own thoughts, so he interrupts constantly. For SURE no.

The guy who would never say that women are lesser than men, but whose actions imply otherwise. He expects his future wife to meekly follow in his shadow, having no personal thoughts or ideas, and certainly never daring to contradict him, because SUBMISSION. Her main purpose in life will be to rear a large family for him, take care of his house, and support all his dreams. If she wants to do something creative with her life, she is welcome to crochet potholders to sell on Etsy. He feels disrespected at the slightest provocation, and when he asks out the meek little girl he likes, he intends to tell her that the Lord definitely told him she’s the one, that way if her opinion differs, she’s going against the Lord, not just him. Bonus, he chews with his mouth open. For SURE no.

P.S. My friend who proofreads my stuff told me that this post might make me look like a cynical old maid. Upon reflection, she’s right, it might. I’m not, although if you want to think I am, you’re welcome to. 🙂 This post was inspired by several fascinating conversations I’ve been in lately about deal-breakers and turn-offs, for both guys and girls. If any of you brave guys want to PM me the equivalent for girls, I might put together a follow-up post for the other side. 

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11 thoughts on “Five Attractive Guys

  1. This is great. I think the first and last guy here are often the same person. Also, love the “His secret bad-boy vice is vaping.” Bahahaha! What a rebel.

    Cant wait to read a version about women!

  2. Yes to the girl version. This is fascinating! 🙂 Also, I like to think that the biggest reason I’m single is because I haven’t found anyone that beats my brothers! 😉

  3. This is just so good. I read it with a sense of relief that my single adult sons don’t fit these categories, except for maybe a few small areas like bathrooms and beating certain topics to death. I am sharing this with them as a tool for the Holy Spirit to convict their consciences as needed.

  4. I love the satire that peeks its head through here and there in your writing. If someone is offended, maybe they need to check their heart? I think we can continue to better ourselves as people, which I assume was the point in your blogpost. In all seriousness though, very entertaining and engaging writing. I look forward to the opposing piece as well about the ladies! 😉

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