{"id":6545,"date":"2018-06-14T08:00:47","date_gmt":"2018-06-14T12:00:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=6545"},"modified":"2018-09-28T08:58:28","modified_gmt":"2018-09-28T12:58:28","slug":"five-super-unattractive-guys","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=6545","title":{"rendered":"Five Attractive Guys"},"content":{"rendered":"

The guy who can’t\u00a0imagine<\/em> doing something as menial as his own housework. His mother packs his lunch and cleans his bathroom and washes his bed and all his dishes, because it has never crossed his mind that he could and should take care of himself. Sometimes this guy moves into his own house, and then he lives in a pit of grime and junk food, because he doesn’t ever think he should have to do something like wiping down a bathroom or cooking a meal. Or maybe it just doesn’t occur to him to notice the filth. He probably doesn’t even know how to run a washer. He very much wants to get married, mostly so that he’ll have a wife to take care of him for life. For SURE no.<\/p>\n

The guy with no sense of humor whatsoever. Life is deadly serious, and everything is much too important to be laughed at. When he is with a jolly crowd, he sits in disapproving silence, or makes snide and spiritual remarks to show how much above the happy people he is. “Joy” is his least favorite fruit of the Spirit. For SURE no.<\/p>\n

The guy whose whole world revolves around sports and\/or cars. You cannot have a conversation with him without one or the other of these topics being mentioned, at best, or beaten to death, at worst. His thoughts go no deeper than an inch below surface, he thinks crying is for girls only, and “sick” is his adjective of choice. His secret bad-boy-vice is vaping, and he thinks American food is the only kind that is worth eating. If you manage to drag him to another country, he’ll be sure to spend the trip pointing out how much better ‘Murica is. For SURE no.<\/p>\n

The guy who thinks he is just the best thing that ever happened to women. His favorite topics to slip into conversations are his impressive muscles, the amount of money he makes and nonchalantly blows, his sweet new car, and the “annoying” flock of admiring girls after him that he just wishes so much he could get rid of.\u00a0He thinks chauvinistic jokes are hilarious, and laughs loudly and heartily at himself whenever he manages to make one. When in conversation, he can hardly wait till another person is done talking to air his own thoughts, so he interrupts constantly. For SURE no.<\/p>\n

The guy who would never\u00a0say<\/em> that women are lesser than men, but whose actions imply otherwise. He expects his future wife to meekly follow in his shadow, having no personal thoughts or ideas, and certainly never daring to contradict him, because SUBMISSION. Her main purpose in life will be to rear a large family for him, take care of his house, and support all his dreams. If she wants to do something creative with her life, she is welcome to crochet potholders to sell on Etsy. He feels disrespected at the slightest provocation, and when he asks out the meek little girl he likes, he intends to tell her that the Lord definitely told him she’s the one, that way if her opinion differs, she’s going against the Lord, not just him. Bonus, he chews with his mouth open. For SURE no.<\/p>\n

P.S. My friend who proofreads my stuff told me that this post might make me look like a cynical old maid. Upon reflection, she’s right, it might. I’m not, although if you want to think I am, you’re welcome to. \ud83d\ude42 This post was inspired by several\u00a0<\/em>fascinating conversations I’ve been in lately about deal-breakers and turn-offs, for both guys and girls. If any of you brave guys want to PM me the equivalent\u00a0for girls, I might put together a follow-up post for the other side.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

A Year Ago:<\/h3>\n

What’s So Special About Illinois?<\/a><\/p>\n

Book Review: The Mysterious Benedict Society<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The guy who can’t\u00a0imagine doing something as menial as his own housework. His mother packs his lunch and cleans his bathroom and washes his bed and all his dishes, because it has never crossed his mind that he could and should take care of himself. Sometimes this guy moves into his own house, and then he lives in a pit of grime and junk food, because he doesn’t ever think he should have to do something like wiping down a…<\/p>\n

Read More Read More<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6551,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[87,90],"tags":[109,146],"class_list":["post-6545","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-five-things","category-humor","tag-dating","tag-relationships"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/img_4591.jpg?fit=1656%2C1242","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p8A8kG-1Hz","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3503,"url":"http:\/\/www.stripedpineapple.com\/?p=3503","url_meta":{"origin":6545,"position":0},"title":"Five Things to Make You Cringe\u00a0","author":"Rachel","date":"May 23, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Hugs so awkward you end up patting the recipient's stomach. 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First off, who invented this thing? As a tall girl living in a short, side huggy world, I have a score to settle with that person. Truth be told, sometimes side hugs are inevitable, due to expectations or culture or other people's preferences. 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