It is not uncommon for me to stumble across conversations where I hear people remark sadly, “I wish I were a reader.” Well, as someone who is a reader, although of a lesser variety than some hardy folks, I am happy to offer a few tips to go from non-reader to reader.

I realize that if you are not a reader, you are not reading this post, making it completely pointless, but perhaps this is a good thing, as this level of patronizing might lead you to disown me permanently. So here we go.

1. Pick up a book. These are usually rectangular or square objects, formed from a combination of paper, cardboard, and sometimes plastic. They will sometimes have pictures on the front, and usually contain words on three of the outside surfaces. This is how you can tell it is a book you hold in your hand.
2. Open the book. This can be done by using your thumb to separate one of the skinny edges. If it doesn’t open immediately, do not worry! Simply give the rectangle a quarter turn and try again. You will get there!
3. The sheets of paper inside are called “pages”. This is common book vernacular that you will want to store for when you inevitably will want to brag to other people about the books you’ve read, and how many pages they each are. (i.e. “I read War and Peace and it had 800 pages!”) Grasp the corner of the page on your right, and move it to the left. You have now successfully turned a page!
4. Once you have grasped opening a book and turning the pages, turn to the first page in the book. Books are generally read from left to right, unless perhaps you are reading in Arabic. I will assume you do know how to read, so simply read the words that are on that page. Turn the page, read those words, and repeat this process till you have reached and read the final page.
5. Congratulations, you have now read a book. From here, the process is fairly easy. Once you have finished the first book, simply write it down on your list (for the aforementioned bragging rights), then pick up another book and repeat the process. Once you have completed this enough times to create a small list, you can now call yourself a reader. Keep it up, and you can also be one of the annoying folks who like to parade about their readings lists, such as yours truly.

You’re welcome, it’s nothing really.