Use Your Words

Use Your Words

Drama, drama, drama.

What comes to your mind when I say that word? For me, it brings thoughts of relationships, particularly romantic ones. Does he like her? Is she flirting with him? Did you know they text all the time? Why is she suddenly posting verses about hardships on Instagram; did she get dumped? There is hardly another area of life that raises so many questions. Everything is vague and nebulous, and with feelings and hormones entangled in the drama, people seem impossible to understand clearly.

Would you be shocked if I told you there is a fairly straightforward solution to this madness? Would it blow your mind to know that you don’t have to endlessly wonder what someone is thinking about a situation? Here’s what I suggest-

Use your words. 

If you want to know what someone is thinking, ask them.

If you’re not sure what someone meant by a comment, ask them.

If you don’t know if a couple is still together and are walking on eggshells for fear of saying something awkward, just ask them.

If you want to ask someone out and afraid they’ll take it too seriously or not seriously enough, tell them your intentions.

Use your words.

There is one lone area in relationships in which we do well at this. A guy gets down on his knee, and asks, “Will you marry me?” If the girl replies yes, well, that’s that. Simple enough, amiright? (If she says no, I suppose that may lead to many and awkward conversations, but at least they’re communicating.)

What I want to know is, why can’t we use this logic in all aspects of relationships? It’s really not that complicated. Sure, it may be hardbut hard is not the same as complicated. Applying this may surprise you- people really do share information when you ask. And if they truly don’t want to, they can always decline.

Use your words.

Of course, drama isn’t only relegated to romantic relationships. There are assumptions and misunderstandings in every relationship from coworkers to family to people in church. We assume the worst of people, without ever taking the time to ask them their intentions and thoughts. Not only that, but we also assume people are thinking the worst of us, when really, all it would take to clear things up is a little communication.

We are pros at giving the “sideways-Mennonite-look” at people making changes or decisions that we don’t agree with. We make snap judgements, and if we do choose to speak, it’s often with a “Hey, I know your motives and they’re wrong” kind of attitude, instead of asking genuine questions and trying to get to know the person and their journey.

The flip side to this is that an honest and open question can open your eyes to things you never dreamed. It’s wonderful really. A simple chat to let someone know the intent behind what you did, or being open about your difficulties or decisions can make a world of difference and bring so much empathy, both for the communicator and the communicatee.

Use your words.

This isn’t an easy habit to become comfortable with if you’re accustomed to skirting around topics and making assumptions and guesses. This is something I know firsthand, as an avid avoider of conflict. But if you make the effort to start asking honest and kind questions and giving honest and kind answers, your life will be better, I can guarantee you. Mine is.


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3 thoughts on “Use Your Words

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