“I wonder what it would be like to be a tall girl?” I know many of you all probably lie awake at nights pondering this, and wishing you had an answer for this pressing question. Be cheered, your day has come. I am about to enlighten you and solve the mystery, so you can finally get a good night’s sleep again.
So what is it like being tall? It is:
- Convenient. Imagine, oh short ones, how much easier your lives would be if you never again had to find a chair to reach something on the top shelf of your cupboard. Imagine if you could change light bulbs with your feet planted on the ground. Imagine never having to call an associate to help you get something down when you’re shopping. You have just successfully imagined my life.
- Inconvenient. On the other hand… we tall girls also get to scrunch down to fit under showers, and hunch over to wash dishes, and hang our feet off the ends of beds, and jam our knees into the backseats of cars and airplanes. Seriously, can somebody tell me how tall guys sleep comfortably in regular double beds? I don’t understand.
- Awkward. Hugs. Enough said. Side Hugs and Tall Girls tells you more. Also, I have been told that it feels like hugging a man to hug me. Should I be offended? (I’d like to insert though that I do have some friends that give great hugs. I don’t want everyone to stop hugging me!) Another awkward thing is selfies. Naturally the person with the longest arms takes the picture, and naturally the picture-taker is usually at some weird angle that accentuates their double chin or something, while everyone else looks cute as a button.
- Empowering. There’s nothing like putting on a pair of high heels and an outfit that makes you look especially tall to make you feel like you have the world by the tail. “You think I’m too tall for heels? Why don’t you stand on a chair and say that to my face?” -anon
- Life-saving. In the likely event that a wicked villain someday attempts to kill everyone by flooding the world with poisonous gas, we may survive longer because our heads are higher up in the sky. Also, I like to think that I’m less prone to attacks on the street at night, because if I were a man looking for someone to attack, I sure would try to pick someone who didn’t look like she could sit on me.
- Embarrassing. If you have ever made the mistake of blocking someone’s view simply by being, you’ll know what I mean. We get to sit in the back of crowds, and accidentally catch all the bouquets at weddings, and make all our tiny friends look like they’ve just completed a weight loss program. That is our service to the world. Well, that and reaching things.
- Awesome. Really though, all the negative aspects aside, being tall is awesome. It means you can look elegant with little effort. It means actually being able to see at concerts. It means never having to hem things and getting to eat a few extra cookies because there’s room for them to spread out a little. It means you get to be different, and really, who wants to be exactly like the rest of the crowd?