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Category: Humor

The Trees That Were, or, I Hope You Step On a Lego

The Trees That Were, or, I Hope You Step On a Lego

A couple years ago, in better days, Mocksville’s center square was graced with four massive, majestic, old trees. They were stately and beautiful, and gave the town a sort of grace unknown to other concrete metropolises. They were filled with lights during the winter, illuminating the square with Christmas magic. In summer they shaded our cars and our town festivals, and brought green relief from the asphalt heat. In short, we loved them. Then The Person In Charge gave the…

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Dirge in an Airplane Aisle

Dirge in an Airplane Aisle

Guest post by Philip, written from a tiny airplane seat.   Dirge in an Airplane Aisle Ladies and gentlemen, we gather here today, To put this large and awkward duffel bag away, That young man struggles with vigor and vim. Note that he is trying, and be patient with him.   The audience grows, the crowds in the aisle, Behind the dimensionally inept boy begin to pile. Work harder, young lad, if you push hard enough, Your duffel bag just…

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Complaining About Weather, or, Stop Being a Wuss

Complaining About Weather, or, Stop Being a Wuss

Weather. It’s the one thing in life that is inevitable, yes? Rain, Sunshine, Cold, Heat, Clouds, Wind…we know the cycle. It’s been the same our whole lives. And yet. Weather is the one single thing that people complain about, All. The. Time. As one friend commented recently, you’d think we would realize that every winter it is going to be cold, and every summer heat waves will come, and each and every day will either be sunny or cloudy. But…

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Family Photos

Family Photos

I was rummaging through old pictures and thought I would share with you The Evolution Of My Family. Perhaps someday I’ll terrorize bless you with even earlier pictures than these. But for now, enjoy.

Tela

Tela

Remember when I said I’d tell you about our flopped beach trip? Well, here you go. We have a long-standing tradition of renting the same little cabins every time we visit Tela, since they’re private and cheap, off the beaten track, and the cook that owned them was amazing. However, they seem to have gotten a little run down since the original owner died and left his son in charge, a fact we were going to discover thoroughly. Our first evening…

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Side Hugs and Tall Girls

Side Hugs and Tall Girls

Ah, the side hug. First off, who invented this thing? As a tall girl living in a short, side huggy world, I have a score to settle with that person. Truth be told, sometimes side hugs are inevitable, due to expectations or culture or other people’s preferences. And most of the time they work great, when the huggers have normal heights. But then there are those times when a shortish sort of guy is greeting a towering sort of girl,…

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Decorating for Fall From the Dollar Tree in Five Easy Steps

Decorating for Fall From the Dollar Tree in Five Easy Steps

Go to the Dollar Tree. This is very necessary, for obvious reasons. Buy some of the less plastic looking bunches of leaves, leaf garlands, and some spicy candles for good measure. Go home and paw through the stuff you already own. Pull out things like old books, those wooden candle holders you know you have stashed somewhere, and other things that look somewhat autumnish. Maybe collect a few sticks or berries outside as well, if you live in the country.  Throw the…

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Misery in Mexico

Misery in Mexico

This morning I unearthed a story I wrote when I was probably ten or eleven. Back story: when we all still lived at home, my dad bought a big yellow school bus, and together with my brothers, converted it into a custom motor home,  just right for taking all nine of us to Costa Rica and back in a trip spanning five months. It was the adventure of a lifetime, complete with walking to church in gumboots because it was so…

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My Life Plan (per Lyn)

My Life Plan (per Lyn)

So, one day when I had nothing much to do, Lyn was thinking about her life plan, and I eagerly agreed to write it for her, as that is just the kind of thing I love. I made her a beautiful life, complete with living in Europe and being a travel writer, and having a curly headed little daughter and an architect husband. However, my imagination drove me to have her husband tragically die by falling from the top of…

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The Clean Plater

The Clean Plater

Sometimes Ogden Nash just says it so much better than I ever could. Case in point: “Some singers sing of ladies’ eyes, And some of ladies lips, Refined ones praise their ladylike ways, And coarse ones hymn their hips. The Oxford Book of English Verse Is lush with lyrics tender; A poet, I guess, is more or less Preoccupied with gender. Yet I, though custom call me crude, Prefer to sing in praise of food. Food, Yes, food, Just any…

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Law-Abiders Never Prosper

Law-Abiders Never Prosper

When I was a child, I was exceedingly sensitive. If I thought I had done something wrong, even accidentally, it bothered and bothered me. However, recently I learned a valuable life lesson, namely, “Law-abiders never prosper.” This is how it went down. Around the beginning of the year, my sister got married, and I was in her bridal party. We were out marching about the town, freezing in our short sleeves, getting pictures taken by the fabulous Grettagraphy. At one…

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