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Category: Humor

Easy Steps to Becoming the World’s Greatest Minimalist

Easy Steps to Becoming the World’s Greatest Minimalist

We all know that minimalism has taken the world by storm, leaving in its wake a string of awesome empty closets, bare white walls, and straight chairs with no throw pillows. Throwing away is the new shopping! Since this is such a massively popular lifestyle right now, and since everyone knows that my home is as empty of things and color as can possibly be (cough, cough), I’ve decided to let you in on my great secret. I am the…

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Stages of Used Car Shopping For the Uninformed Girl

Stages of Used Car Shopping For the Uninformed Girl

Recently my beloved red Jetta coughed and gave up the ghost with little warning. Sure, she may have had no AC, and the ceiling may have been falling down and shedding orange sticky goo over everything, and half the windows may not have worked, but she was a good little car and her death was a blow to me! But, since she wouldn’t cart me around anymore, I was required to take up the arduous business of car shopping. I…

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The Single Years of The Good Mennonite Girl

The Single Years of The Good Mennonite Girl

As soon as she gets out of school, 8th grade or 12th, depending on where she’s from, she must get a minimum wage job at a bulk food store, bagging cinnamon powder and gummy bears and oats. Here she will learn valuable skills such as customer interactions, and how to not cut her fingers off with a cheese slicer. Once she has completed her bulk food term, other job options include cleaning houses, labeling books at Choice Books, anything related…

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Five Inevitabilities of Life

Five Inevitabilities of Life

“Mmmph yrsh,” you mumble in reply as you hastily swallow your unchewed food. Leave it on, it will drive you nuts. Tear it off, it will bleed and sting. Ah yes, the great equalizer of humanity. This person will be seated next to you at the party. He’ll probably also chew with his mouth open. Of course, you won’t notice till you have your legs comfortably stretched out into the middle of the circle you’re sitting in.

An Overlook on Hiking and I, and Our Rocky Relationship

An Overlook on Hiking and I, and Our Rocky Relationship

I think I was born into the wrong family. Athleticism seems to come easy for most of them. I have a sister who can whip any girl around in softball (and some of the guys too), and brothers who seem to shine at any sport they try. I also have brothers who lived hours away from the nearest road, and who climbed up and down the steep mountainsides faster than the people who grew up in that village. Even my mom…

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That Time We Had “Free Facials” and Lived to Tell

That Time We Had “Free Facials” and Lived to Tell

“So, what are we doing exactly?” I asked Lyn. “I’m really not sure myself,” she replied, as we travelled the long road to our mysterious destination. It started like this: I heard whisperings that there was a random lady who wanted to give away free facials. She was trying to do a certain number each month, and through some twisted grapevine, she had offered to do facials for Lyn and I and a friend. What a goodhearted lady, it seemed,…

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Five Things to Make You Cringe 

Five Things to Make You Cringe 

Hugs so awkward you end up patting the recipient’s stomach. Not that I have EVER done that. Ahem. *Whistles innocently* Being the first to write in a group birthday card, and knowing that everyone else is going to read what you wrote. Public bathroom stall doors, if you’re over five feet tall. Falling asleep during prayer as an insecure adolescent visiting a new church. Having the local adolescent laughingly point out a wet spot of drool on the pew. Finding out…

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The Trees That Were, or, I Hope You Step On a Lego

The Trees That Were, or, I Hope You Step On a Lego

A couple years ago, in better days, Mocksville’s center square was graced with four massive, majestic, old trees. They were stately and beautiful, and gave the town a sort of grace unknown to other concrete metropolises. They were filled with lights during the winter, illuminating the square with Christmas magic. In summer they shaded our cars and our town festivals, and brought green relief from the asphalt heat. In short, we loved them. Then The Person In Charge gave the…

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Dirge in an Airplane Aisle

Dirge in an Airplane Aisle

Guest post by Philip, written from a tiny airplane seat.   Dirge in an Airplane Aisle Ladies and gentlemen, we gather here today, To put this large and awkward duffel bag away, That young man struggles with vigor and vim. Note that he is trying, and be patient with him.   The audience grows, the crowds in the aisle, Behind the dimensionally inept boy begin to pile. Work harder, young lad, if you push hard enough, Your duffel bag just…

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Complaining About Weather, or, Stop Being a Wuss

Complaining About Weather, or, Stop Being a Wuss

Weather. It’s the one thing in life that is inevitable, yes? Rain, Sunshine, Cold, Heat, Clouds, Wind…we know the cycle. It’s been the same our whole lives. And yet. Weather is the one single thing that people complain about, All. The. Time. As one friend commented recently, you’d think we would realize that every winter it is going to be cold, and every summer heat waves will come, and each and every day will either be sunny or cloudy. But…

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